with your own penis?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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