I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
