Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
