i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
