Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
