just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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