My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just high enough for therapy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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