we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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