summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
