Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
