Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
