i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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