y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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