does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
