life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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