If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
