yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
