he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
