I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
