I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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