He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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