Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
