I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
