Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
