He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
