We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
