I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
