If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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