is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
