im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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