That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
