I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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