So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
