Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
