Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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