No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize