ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
