Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
