apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize