Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
