Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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