Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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