My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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