Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
