I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
