Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
