Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
