I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
