She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
