remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
