i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
