Porn is love you can see.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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