I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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