I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
