I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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