Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
