I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
