Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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