We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
