There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
