Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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