I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
