I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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