suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
