Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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