Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
