did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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