I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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