There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ttyl tear gas
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
