you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
