Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
