Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
