all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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