but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
