Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize