Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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